We had been informed by the doctor that this is a losing battle that she is fighting and very soon she might leave us. But in our hearts, we have always believed in miracles. Diagnosed with 4th stage breast cancer in Feb 2011, she has fought a strong battle against her illnesses. We were all confident that she will be able to last till June...to see the birth of her first grandchild. But i guess God has other plans for her.
My mum was called home to be with the Lord in the early hours of 27.03.2012. She passed on peacefully in her sleep and it doesn't look like she was in pain or anything. She did not call for help or complain about any discomfort. The night before, we noticed she was behaving wierd. All of us crowded around her trying to figure out whats wrong. The usual greedy her couldn't finish her dinner and kept wanting to sleep. That's the last time I saw her alive.
Regrets overwhelmed me when i realised she has left...Why didn't i hug her for one last time? Why didn't i spend more time in her room to talk to her? Why did i treat her so badly during her last days? I thought there is still time...time for me to show her i really loved her. But i was wrong. The last thing i did for her was to cook a meal for her...she was really happy that day that she could dine with us. I wanted so much to do this many more times..to celebrate her 70th Birthday with her best friends in a restaurant as promised.
I remember the times we spent together when i was young. She is not the best mum, but she tried her best. Having to bring me up alone, she had to put on a tough front in front of everybody so that she doesn't gets bullied. But within that strong and bad-tempered front, i have seen how she'll wept for me when i am disobedient or have disappointed her. How she'll scrimp and save just to buy the neccessities for me, how she finally obliged to let me have a puppy although we're so financially tight. I used to hate her...but thinking back of the things and love she've given me, how could i?
I know it is pointless to show regrets when one has already passed on...tears no longer means anything. I have to be strong and happy because I am sure that is what she'll wish to see...we're looking forward to the birth of our child, and i am sure she'll smile in heaven to see him.
妈咪，你这一生辛苦了。我没能好好孝顺你，原来生还有机会让我报答你的养育之恩。你无需挂念我们，好好的安息吧！我们天堂见。祝您生日快乐！
There's a time for everything...
A time to laugh
A time to cry
A time to live
A time to die
I've learnt to cherish every moment and people around me...look at their good instead of their bad...tell them you love them while you still have the chance to...give them a hug now and not to wait. I pray that my life will have no more regrets.