Although I've been living in my new place since it was ready last year, I do go back home at least once a week to stay with my mum. But since back from Honeymoon, we've only been home once to stayover. And my busy schedule on weekends make it impossible to go back and visit her plus the fact that we don't own a car makes it even worse.
My mum used to be a strong headed woman (she still is) who would often quarrel with people and scold me becos of her bad temper. I was often beaten up for nothing when I was young. And I hated her for this.
During my wedding, I did not want her to march-in with me, although deep in her heart, I know she would be very happy to do so. Reason being, she can't walk properly and I was afraid she might trip and fall. Selfish reason, I was worried she might embarress me. I am not writing these down cos she is dead and I felt remorseful or what. She is still very healthy and strong. Knowing she is alone at home, I tried to call her as often as I can and I can sense her happiness whenever she heard my voice. Last night she called me from a public phone after her dinner...she asked me simple things like "have u taken your dinner?" , "dun stay up too late." Although simple as they can be...they signify her love for me. I felt bad for not being able to stay by her side and hated myself for buying a flat so far away from her...I am her only daughter..the only person she has pinned her hope on for her entire life. I am glad I did not disappoint her by stepping on a wrong path...but I wished I could do more for her...to give her a better life..to let her be happy. I will try.